I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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