tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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