Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
