The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
