I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
