She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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