what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize