The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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