it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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