well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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