Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
