go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
