remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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