Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
