my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
