Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is wine microwaveable?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
