his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
