Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
