i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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