your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
