looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
