his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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