Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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