look no pants
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
