with your own penis?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
