He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
