The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
