He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
