Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
