I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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