I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
