I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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