Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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