I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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