Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
