I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
