youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
