I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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