I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize