Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
