i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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