I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
