help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Randomize