Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
