I think my fart just growled at me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
