went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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