i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
