the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
