Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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