Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
