Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
