She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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