Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
third nipple confirmed
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
