It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
