I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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