why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
