my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
