i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
