maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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