So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
