She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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