I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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