My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize