Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
