Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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