pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
