My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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