this beer tastes like vomit already
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Dear god my vagina.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
