She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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