You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
