i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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