I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
