did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
