too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
