k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
