So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
