She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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