Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think my moral compass just broke
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
