How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
