if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
